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ARCHIVED ENTRIES FOR
APRIL 2005 |
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Patrick: Lagniappe
When you’re young, three days away from the
person you love seems forever, but it’s paid back many times over
with the joy of meeting again. But with age you become grateful when
the people you love go away for a couple of days so you can take a
rest from them and their constant, overwhelming presence; this is
because you live in the hope that someone will enter your life
unexpectedly while the other is away, maybe even more than one. If
you’re not that lucky, you can always believe that the person who
went away will surely return with something to renew you afterward.
--A Room Underground by Gudbergur Bergsson (from
McSweeney’s 15)
Can Nonfiction Be Literature?
This seems an obtuse question--emphatically,
no. Just go look at the other litblogs which discuss the
variety of fictional flora and fauna (although, admittedly,
most seem more concerned with the dull mechanics of publicity rather
than the aesthetic merits of literature--the
Reading Experience being an honorable exception) and nary a
mention of a nonfiction work shall you find. In English
departments forest upon forest is decimated to dilate upon the
aesthetic qualities of Virginia Woolf but not a branch is lost to
discuss the aesthetic qualities of Burton's
The Anatomy of Melancholy. There seems to have
developed this view--with a few honorable exceptions--that God
created fiction and nonfiction and never the twain shall meet.
In my humble view there's just one category--fiction, some works are
just more fictional than others. Certainly, Dickens' Bleak
House is a supreme work of fiction, but so are Lillian Hellman's
memoirs (for which Mary McCarthy produced the witticism, much to her
later dismay when sued,
"[e]very
word she writes is a lie--including 'and' and 'the'"). So
what work of supposed nonfiction is not a lie?
Well, Mr. Obtuse, it would seem that a book
which contained only the simple formula: "2+2=4" cannot be a
lie. Ahh, but George Orwell showed us in his wonderful
exposition on totalitarianism, 1984, that not only is
that a lie but it is demonstrably false in that 2+2=5. Why
is it a lie? Because Big Brother said so. And so it
goes. I find the distinction between fiction and nonfiction
particularly pernicious (although I'm just as guilty of it here
given that I have not posted on works of nonfiction--but no more).
The standard should not be whether something is true or not.
Does anyone care if Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
can be characterized as vicious anti-clerical screed? More
to the point, would still be less of a object of interest if it
turned out that Gibbon's research was false? I would argue no.
The argument is a bit convoluted--but there you
go. Gibbon writes about the foibles and follies of
mankind--just like Jane Austen. Even if his facts are wrong,
his insights into the human heart are just as assuredly right.
Indeed, he could see more clearly into that dark glass than just
about any other writer. To him, all of mankind is a stage that
we caper upon for our short time and then, soon enough, we are
snuffed out. Counterexample--do we care that Shakespeare's
history and geography is so wrong-headed? He has one laugher
after another with landlocked countries suddenly studded with ports
and English kings deformed into unrecognizable caricatures (Richard
III was as much a hunchback as Errol Flynn, but Shakespeare was
writing to the house of kings that exterminated his line). We
don't read Shakespeare, though, for these niggling details. We
read him because his well wrought aesthetic objects are sublimely
beautiful. Is there anything more stark and breath-taking than
the last act of King Lear? Well, what we nominally call
nonfiction can have that aesthetic effect, too.
For example, we currently our blessed with
living in the golden age of biography. The very best
biographies are only superficially concerned with the lives of their
subjects. More importantly, these biographers endeavor to
shape the raw stuff of a life into a pleasing aesthetic shape.
Peter Ackroyd, one of Britain's great living writers--the
great living writer on London--is also one of Britain's great living
biographers. He has written, aesthetically speaking, the
supreme biography of
Dickens. Is it nonfiction? Ackroyd, himself, would
be evasive on this point. It is true to his aesthetic object,
which may or may not be "true" as far as a biography of anyone's
life can be described as such. It is not maliciously false.
But even falsehood in a biography may serve the aesthetic goals of
the biographer in a way that makes the object, the literary life,
more beautiful.
The hagiographies of medieval saints may be
beautiful but not altogether true, in this sense. The
biography of a modern day saint exemplifies this point. One of
the greatest of modern biographers, Richard Ellmann, wrote one of
the great aesthetic works of art in biography,
Oscar Wilde. As any great artist, Ellmann saw the raw
facts of Wilde's life as just so many different pigments on his
palette, and he judiciously chose which ones to use in his portrait.
And, at the end, he chose, for justifiable aesthetic reasons, to
change Wilde's death. Wilde, to him, was the great iconoclast
brought down by the braying philistine mob. But, on his
deathbed, Wilde seemingly betrayed himself and his principles by
converting to Catholicism. Not for Ellmann. As a
rephrasing of Wilde's witticism concerning the hideous hotel
wallpaper in the room where he died, "One of us has got to go," for
Ellmann it was the priest that was to be banished. And this is
true to his aesthetic purposes, although not to history. So,
is nonfiction literature? Emphatically, yes.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
Age brings a special kind of joy alongside
sorrow, namely that you stop being afraid of life, the less that is
left of it. This kind of love is also courage: it is quite unlike
the love that I felt naturally and candidly toward my wife while it
lasted, and was called marital bliss. If you become tied by
different bonds of love you automatically start living a life that
cannot be lived openly or in reality, it turns into a type of fancy
and fiction that defies description.
--A Room Underground by Gudbergur Bergsson (from
McSweeney’s 15)
The Cruel Fate of the Decade’s Bright Young
Writer
Let us pause a moment from our daily labors (changing out DVDs,
shuffling papers from one pile to another, contemplating the
ineffable mysteries of reality television) and bow our heads in
silent prayer to that most ill-used and transient of idols, the
decade’s trumpeted hot young writer. Let us now turn to the
‘80s and begin in the
Book of McInerney. Beginning in the beginning, we read of
a budding young writer with a taste for clubbing and publicity.
These two predilections prove to be a volatile and ultimately
unstable mix. Our prophet McInerney goes into the land of
iniquity, otherwise known as
Whiskey A-Go-Go, and brings forth his jeremiad, Bright
Lights, Big City. He presents this work at the feet of the
Sadducees and Pharisees, who, miracle of miracles, hail it as a
brilliant work of tormented post-teen life in the outer reaches of
the upper megalopolis. But then, just as our prophet McInerney
is bashing the impudent young things he has so assiduously studied
within the walls of Whiskey A-Go-Go, verily the walls begin to waver
and shake . . . and fall on top of him in a fit of over exposure.
The Sadducees and Pharisees poke at him under the over-exposed
rubble as he desperately flails his limbs in an increasingly futile
attempt to attract anyone’s notice. But the end of the ‘80s
has come. A new prophet is seen on the horizon.
Let us turn now to the
Book of Coupland
[N.B.: who, by the bye, has the coolest author site I’ve seen yet] .
Once again, our prophet journeys forth, but this time he bypasses
the bopping bars and bright lights for the gray flannel of the
grumpy, grungy underclass where he discovers something
unclassifiable, something mysterious, an “x” factor, Generation X.
And lo and behold, the Sadducees and Pharisees once again crowd
around him and kneel before his keen insights concerning this
strange and unresponsive creature, this generation that’s just not
into diet-Pepsi, acid flashbacks, the Grateful Dead, Nusret Fateh
Ali Khan, Chaka Khan and Yoko Ono. The praises go to the skies
as Coupland is clothed in the slightly-bloodied robe stripped from
the shoulders of the false prophet, McInerney, and anointed as the
new prophet of his generation. But then, he is left to
desperately spin about trying to repeat his prior feat of producing
incisive insights about cultural trends. The self-regarding
Sadducees and Pharisees, whose true idol is the Marquis de Sade,
know that they, and only they, truly exist, so that although this
dabbling in the “other” may be amusing to pass the time, ultimately
it is as futile as beating on a torn tambourine (unless Yoko is
doing so as a “performance piece” to protest McDonald’s Super-Size
Shakes). Our prophet, Coupland, though, continues to spin
faster and faster, as he tries to incorporate all trend-lets as soon
as they pop up their tiny, fuzzy, blood-smeared heads. He
spins and spins but grows smaller and smaller. Already, he
fades into the landscape, sometimes lit up like a dust mote in the
glare of publicity before spinning away again into anonymity.
Ahhh, but now we have our the
Book of Foer, the Idol of the Oughts. He’s the post 9/11
wunderkind; the boy-prophet for a new, dour generation. And,
lo, the hosannas have risen once again to the heavens. But
he’s a little bit cannier than the former prophets in that he has
adopted a style that is itself a perpetual motion machine. His
two books, Everything is Illuminated and Extremely Loud
and Incredibly Close, with the same “brand” of cover art and
“brand” of prose tricks, are a unique product as identifiable as a
can of pork-and-beans or spaghetti-Os and meatballs (and just as
tasty). Like his fellow poseurs in the arts,
Ellsworth Kelly, who has made a career of brightly colored
trapezoids passed off as minimalist symbols of wisdom, and
Philip Glass,
who has made a career of brightly colored musical motifs passed off
as minimalist symbols of wisdom. So, too, Foer can crank,
crank, crank, crank, crank and churn, churn, churn, churn, churn
[N.B.: hat tip to Tom Wolfe on the prose stylings] out mountains of
homogenous preciosity. Ummm, Ummm, good! It goes down like
pabulum should.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
Evening, and the birds that sang in the trees
in the morning are long silent. He hasn’t the strength to think
about life, not for long enough at a time. He becomes fearful, feels
that death is just about to come; the ceiling and walls darken.
Death comes over the wall—it is not enough to put a roof on the
walls, he just comes through the roof window. And if there isn’t a
roof window when he comes, then he makes a roof window in an
instant. Hammering and sawing, and he whistles a snatch of a tune
that resembles birdsong. One might think that morning had come when
he whistles like that. But he comes bringing dark mist through the
window with him, and the dark mist fills the room and glides out
under the eaves. No whistling is heard any longer.
Hoses, peat pits, clocks, coffins, ravens.
The climbing plants wind around the house. Under another roof far
away is a woman who could have said, “You can die in peace. I shall
join you in fifty years’ time.” But to do that, she would have had
to know the young man who is in the attic, and she doesn’t. In her
attic there are bright new lightbulbs in the lamps, lightbulbs that
last a long time. But the dark mist is filling the other bedroom.
--Seven Stories by Gyrdir Eliasson (from McSweeney’s
15)
Bad Bad Sex
There is one notorious scene in Tom Wolfe’s I Am Charlotte
Simmons which all the critics lovingly dilate upon as a
wonderful example of bad sex. As with most of their critical
judgments, they can still recognize raw, aesthetic power but can’t
really identify what it is or how it works. They are like old
hunting dogs that can still sniff out a bird but heaven only knows
if it’s a partridge or a crow. The scene, the central one to
IACS, concerns the eponymous heroine’s deflowering at the hands of
the dastardly frat boy, Hoyt Thorpe. Unlike Binx in The
Moviegoer, who is at least vaguely aware that the malaise he
suffers from is despair, Thorpe truly has no self-awareness at all
(until he gets his comeuppance at the end of IACS). From this
perspective, Thorpe lacks humanity; and Charlotte comes to
understand his behavior later in the book when she likens him to a
panther, a sleek predator that does what it does because that’s the
way it’s made (emphasis on the “it”). Before this revelation,
however, we are treated to several turgid pages of bad bad sex—let’s
focus on the finale, shall we?:
His pace started to quicken. Rut rut rut rut her body shook shook
shook shook shook and bounced bounced bounced bounced bounced from
his jolt jolt jolt jolt jolt his eyes tightened his face turned red
and scrunched scrunched scrunched scrunched scrunched his teeth
clenched clenched clenched clenched clenched from deep in his throat
a grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt until finally he let out a
loud, prolonged moan and slowly eased back off her, out of her, and
lay there half on his side and half on top of her.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhh,” he went, in a tone of immense satisfaction as he
rolled over completely on his back. And then he said, “You okay?”
He wasn’t looking at her. His face was aimed straight up at the
ceiling, and his eyes were closed. No part of his body, not even a
finger or an ankle, was any longer touching her.
His eyes were still aimed at the ceiling.
Now he would hold her in his arms, curl up next to her and, in the
softest, most intimate of voices, thank her, tell her it was okay,
that she made him happy, that what they had just done fulfilled a
great yearning of his . . . had brought alive for him what he had
feared was an impossible dream . . .
Instead, he got up off the bed, went into the bathroom, and yelled
out, “You need a towel?”
Okay, let’s get our parameters down first. This is supposed to
be bad sex. And there is certainly no lingering ambiguity that
it might not be something else—at least for Charlotte. But it
is good sex for Hoyt. He, clearly, found it satisfying.
So, unlike the example in The Moviegoer, this encounter is
disappointing only for the woman. This, certainly, could be
Wolfe’s point in that Hoyt is treated pretty much as an animal and
an animal will do what an animal will do. But Wolfe also wants
to make a point that this kind of sex involves treating the other
person as truly other—as a mere tool for enjoyment and satisfaction.
Hence the repetitive description using the same words as symbols for
the actual rhythms of the act itself (why these repetitions are
always five in number beats me). But some of these choices
seem odd—scrunched??? Indeed, if one is not used to Wolfe’s
over-the-top style, the paragraph comes off as unintentionally
hilarious. Bad sex, yes. Ludicrous sex, no. But Wolfe’s
style, perfect for satire, throws off inappropriate connotations
when used here for what Wolfe considers a deadly serious point.
Tom Wolfe has the style of a jackhammer that is instantly
recognizable and can certainly highlight the foibles and follies of
modern life. But when faced by what Wolfe feels is truly a
modern-day tragedy, the breakdown in sexual relations between men
and women, his prose style gibbers and capers without entering into
the heart of the subject. Perhaps some styles simply can’t be
used for certain types of writing. It is hard to see how Henry
James’s late style could be adapted to the picaresque tale. HJ, I’m
sure, would reply with a cutting remark that such a genre is beneath
him. Still, it would be amusing if Don Quixote approaching the
windmill on his nag, Rocinante, was given to certain inner musings
which occupied several pages before he actually confronts the
swinging monster (Cervantes’ version of the episode takes up less
than a page of text): “He thought that this engine might be
some fantastic monster in disguise, or that the disguise actually
hid a further mask that his imaginings had clothed in the rough
cloth of his adversary as it reared back for the final blow; a blow
that felt like the wind from a windmill that he recalled as a child
when he walked across the plains, his mind just beginning to open to
the bounty nature had prepared to form his character as he took in
this notion and set that one down, playing with each idea and
viewing it from different facets to determine whether it was fit to
include within his mental furniture or best to leave aside for
further reflection when he might better consider the forms of life
and his own inner needs as they matured through subsequent
observations and absorption, at which point in his considered
reflections Rocinante emitted a certain disagreeably pungent aroma
which brought his mind back to the task at hand . . . . “
Wolfe’s style, it seems, for very different reasons, suffers from
the same tonal deficiencies when tackling weighty matters such as
bad sex.
There’s a further problem for Wolfe apart from his style in that,
thematically speaking, he appears to want his cake and eat it too
(just like Hoyt). He wants to show that Hoyt and Charlotte
have very different expectations, hopes and aspirations concerning
the Act. Hoyt basically sees the Act as the equivalent of
eating and Charlotte is the fork, so to speak. Charlotte, on
the other hand, wants a more romantic relationship based on
fantasies she has developed while growing up. Even here,
though, it seems that Wolfe is merely protesting that Hoyt is too
much of an unsophisticated cad. He should have held her
afterwards and said, “I love you,” before getting up and going to
the bathroom for a towel. That solution strikes me as facile
and, potentially, more degrading--at least Hoyt has not been
particularly hypocritical. Even if he truly meant to be tender
and loving in that moment, what would keep him from continuing to
behave that way for the weeks, months and years to follow (such as
the serial adulterer, Scobie, in Graham Greene's The Heart of the
Matter who is always repentant and also always returning, with
excitement, to sin)? Apparently, through some kind of Jo-Jo
Johansen hyp-mo-tism that Charlotte performs on the star basketball
player later in the book. This strikes me as the biggest false
note in the story. It’s cheating. Why does Jo-Jo turn
docile? Well, because his game on the court gets a lot better
when Charlotte is around. Cue the strings while I search for
the Disney Distributor.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
Fridrik places the book on Abba’s breast and
lays her hands to rest in a cross on top. He accidentally holds them
tighter than intended and feels the small fingers through the
mittens. This cheers him a little; these are the hands that
comforted him after he lost his parents.
--Fridrik and the Eejit by Sjon (from McSweeney’s 15)
Good Bad Sex
Catchy title, ehhh? Perhaps this is a bit of a nod’s as a good
as a wink to a blind bat. Say no more.
Say no more. Well, perhaps I’ll say just a little bit
more. A while back I noted that Tom Wolfe’s I Am Charlotte
Simmons received the
Literary Review Bad Sex award, I, at first, assumed this was a
desperate lunge for attention by the presenters, but, apparently, a
number of critics thought it was an appropriate award. See how
little has changed in the world of criticism from Caliban’s day to
our own. Of course, Wolfe meant for the scenes in IACS to
portray bad sex. So, he should be judged on whether he has
successfully achieved that aesthetic goal. Having received an
award for it—no matter how ignorant the reasons—would seem to
vindicate his prose. I wish to disagree. True, the sex
is bad, but I think it is not the kind of literary bad sex that
Wolfe was after. Rather, the sex seems to suggest that with
just a few tweaks and adjustments, it need not have been bad sex
after all. In other words, the bad sex comes off as a bit
superficial in its badness. This superficiality, I think, is
what has troubled reviewers about Wolfe’s work as a whole.
Certainly, IACS grapples with important social issues—so Wolfe gets
high marks for at least sallying forth on this difficult ground.
But, just like John O’Hara, who I think he is similar to, both in
style and stature, Wolfe never winds up doing anything more with the
material than to dissect it on the operating table for our own
voyeuristic gaze. Even Dickens, when he exposes the unholy
excrescence of the slum, Tom-All-Alone’s, in Bleak House, has
deeper artistic purposes than to let us linger lovingly among the
refuse. Jo, the street sweeper who lives in the muck of
Tom-All-Alone’s might not know “nothink” but his creator certainly
meant for him a greater purpose than to simply be gawked at from the
comfy chairs of the drive-by readers (how's that for a mixed
metaphor--who says I can't write bad lex?).
Ultimately, then, I agree that Tom Wolfe might well deserve the
bad-sex award. Not because he attempted to portray “good” sex badly
but that he did so for bad sex. Why is it bad bad sex? I
admit, we have little critical guidance here. But, having just
re-read Percy Walker’s The Moviegoer, I do have at least one
point for comparison. The Moviegoer contains one of the
classic portrayals of truly bad sex. Walker Percy, a Catholic, had
as his theme despair in the modern world where, as the front piece
quote by Kierkegaard puts it, “. . . the specific character of
despair is precisely this: it is unaware of being despair.”
The exemplar of this quote is the book’s protagonist, Binx Bolling,
a successful New Orleans stock broker from one of the city’s old and
privileged families, who has lived in despair so long that not even
depression can reach him. He regularly inoculates himself from
reality by going to the movies (hence the book’s title, although it
just as well could have been called, The Junkie). He
also engages in some remarkably bad sex:
We did very badly and almost did not do at all. Flesh poor flesh
failed us. The burden was too great and flesh poor flesh, neither
hallowed by sacrament nor despised by spirit (for despising is not
the worst fate to overtake the flesh), but until this moment seen
through and canceled, rendered null by the cold and fishy eye of the
malaise—flesh poor flesh now at this moment summoned all at once to
be all and everything, end all and be all, the last and only
hope—quails and fails. The truth is I was frightened half to death
by her bold (not really bold, not whorish bold but theorish bold)
carrying on. I reckon I am used to my blushing little Lindas from
Gentilly. Kate too was scared. We shook like leaves. Kate was scared
because it seemed now that even Tillie the Toiler must fail her. I
never worked so hard in my life, Rory. I had no choice: the
alternative was unspeakable. Christians talk about the horror of
sin, but they have overlooked something. They keep talking as if
everyone were a great sinner, when the truth is nowadays one is
hardly up to it. There is very little sin in the depths of malaise.
The highest moment of a malaisian’s life can be that moment when he
manages to sin like a proper human (Look at us, Binx—my vagabond
friends as good as cried out to me—we’re sinning! We’re succeeding!
We’re human after all!).
“Good night, sweet Whipple. Now you tuck Kate in. Poor Kate.” She
turns the pillow over for the cool of the underside. “Good night,
sweet Whipple, good night, good night, good night.”
Now that’s some world-class bad sex. Let’s turn to Wolfe’s
depiction in IACS to see why it simply can’t hold up to such a
standard.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
Fridrik finishes filling in the grave. He takes
off his woolen cap, folds it, and puts it in his jacket pocket. He
pulls off his gloves and shoves them in his armpits.
He falls to his knees.
He bows his head.
He sighs sorrowfully.
Straightening up, he gazes down through the earth to where he
pictures Abba’s face, and recites two verses for her. The first is
an optimistic poem, a little bird rhyme of his own making:
A summer bird sang.
On a sunny day:
Happiness led me,
O’er the airy way
My friend for to see
The little bird sang
of its rowan tree.
The second is the introduction to a lost ballad. It tells of the
equality that all living beings are ensured in the end, with no need
for any revolution:
Earth fails,
All grows old and worn.
Flesh is dust—however it's adorned.
Rising to his feet, he puts on his cap, reaches into his pocket for
a little pipe made from a sheep’s leg bone, and plays a tune from
“The Death of the Nightingale” by the late Franz Schubert, thus
linking the two poetic fragments.
--Fridrik and the Eejit by Sjon (from McSweeney’s 15)
Litblog’s Got a Brand New Look
Our special tech-wizard, Stephanie, has updated the look of litblog
which I think is now much cleaner and just all-around purtier.
Thanks a lot. Also, you’ll note that we know longer have the
alternative name, literatureblog.com. When first setting up
this site, I had no idea what name would be preferable or if both
names might be needed. Well, after the first six months or so,
it’s clear that litblog.com is the overwhelming favorite. So,
as part of my catch-and-release domain name program, I’ll throw
literatureblog.com back into the internet waters with the hopes that
someone else with a love of literature might enjoy using it.
So, from now on, when you want a cranky, grumpy, addled view of
literature, you just need to type in, “litblog” and there you go.
Toodles.
Exciting News for the Norman Mailer Classic Poets Corner
As you can see from this New York Times
article, Norman Mailer, for a measly $2.5 million has agreed to
dump his papers (and his “maileribilia,” though I doubt it would
include anything exciting such as rusty kitchen knives with ex-wife
blood on them or anything), at the University of Texas Harry Ransom
Center in Austin, Texas. Well, that’s just right down the block; so
I guess I’ll have to toddle over there and see if there’s any
unpublished gems amongst his weighty correspondence such as
marginalia in his drafts of such towering masterpieces as Ancient
Evenings (“Note to self: change title to Ancient Evenings,
the title, Llareggub, has already been taken by Dylan
Thomas”). At a minimum, expect much more material for the
Norman Mailer Classic Poets Corner from its namesake.
Jorie Graham is having a bad week
Well, as I posted about last week, first Ms. Graham does get a nice
write-up and color photo in the New York Times—one can tell that
she must have been a very striking woman in her day. That
seems to be a good start. But, come Sunday, the New York Times
Book Review has what must be one of the most damning reviews of a
career I’ve seen in many a year. Titled
Jorie Graham, Superstar, it begins on a high note,
speculating that Jorie Graham, “a burnished idol of the poetry
world,” has a “good chance” of being the “new Major Poet . . .
etched into the stones of Parnassus.” She’s won all sorts of
plaudits, most importantly, perhaps, a “breathless, full-profile
attention from The New Yorker.” And, “she’s nice,” and “has
friendly words for her tribe of former students,” and has “good
looks, sophistication and elite connections,” and, and, and . . . .
But then things fall apart, or, more pertinently, become diffused.
Here’s The Modern Caliban’s Guide to Being a Great Poet:
“Graham’s work combines two qualities not generally found
together—first, it’s often sumptuously ‘poetic’ (‘in a scintillant
fold the fabric of the daylight bending’); second, it’s
ostentatiously thinky (typical titles: ‘Notes on the Reality of the
Self,’ ‘What Is Called Thinking,’ ‘Relativity: A Quartet’).”
Based on this guide, let’s try out a new poem, shall we?:
A Sonata Upon String Theory
The zenotic zither of cosmic coruscating recrudescence
Shining through diaphanous curtains of azalea-tinged air
All strange charm, up and down, bottom and top
The darkly glass gleams
At bottom, a string
Wash it out, barkeep, and get me anudder.
Ahhhh, as exclaimed by the reviewer, “it practically yodels
Pooooeeetrrry!” But then there’s the rub—“there’s always
something strangely bleary in Graham’s writing.” And before
you know it, we’re racing to the bottom. Graham’s not a “bad
poet . . . but rather that the fogginess that has been a chronic
problem in her work becomes especially inhibiting in [her latest
book of noodlings] because, well, there’s just no leeway for
muddling.” Whack! Then we hit the hard, unyielding
surface of Mount Parnassus, itself: “[I]f we think a Major
Poet is meant to be more than this [a zaftig zeitgeist], then maybe
we should be arguing over these matters more often—and more
publicly. Because if the books the poetry world leaves in the
laps of its slumbering audience are compromises rather than
necessities, isn’t it likely that readers will wake only to rub
their eyes, thumb a few pages, sigh and go right back to sleep
again?” Ouch! Norman Mailer Classic Poets Corner here we
come [I’ll need to check out Ms. Graham’s latest book,
Overlord: Poems, which is about WWII (Overlord was the
code-name for the D-Day invasion; the book is a collection of link
poems on WWII; Oh, and here's a friendly tip: Don't pick a
title that lends itself to numerous satiric puns: Overbored/Overboard/Oh
Lord!/etc.); by the bye, if you want an outstanding book of
related poems on WWII, I highly recommend Tom Paulin’s
The Invasion Handbook).
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Patrick: Lagniappe
Thank you. Thank you, Constant Rectitude. I
would be obliged were I to be henceforth known as Inherent Muddle.
These are our new Indian names. I saw two arguably better ones in
Poplar North Dakota just off the Ft. Peck Reservation. They were
Kills Twice and …
And?
I have forgotten the other name. Also Something Twice, but it was
something mundane, not killing, something even faintly ignoble, like
Sleeps Twice. I can’t recall it.
--Manifesto by Padgett Powell (from McSweeney’s 15).
Charles Dickens' Wild Strawberries
I have just seen Ingmar Bergman's Wild
Strawberries and was struck this time around by how great a debt
he owes to Charles Dickens (as pointed out in this
review). It's no secret that Dickens, as one of the
greatest storytellers, has produced literary works that are also
successful as movies (think of the cinematic triumphs,
Great
Expectations and
David Copperfield--with W. C. Fields as Mr. Micawber).
Typically, an author cannot have his cake and eat it too.
There are exceptions such as Graham Greene with the movie
treatments of The Third Man and The Quiet American.
Although he is a unique case in that he self-consciously wrote both
novels and lesser works he dubbed "entertainments." The
Third Man, as a literary work, falls in the second category--and
its cinematic treatment is considered one of the best of all time.
The Quiet Man, when first made into a movie, was
execrable with Audie Murphy, of all people, in the title role.
But the second
time
has been the charm. Greene, himself, was amused by the
second-rate cinematic treatment of his novels as exemplified in his
novel, The End of the Affair (which has also been made into a
decent
movie) when the protagonist, the writer, Bendrix, takes the
doomed Sarah to a movie of one of his books and makes wry comments
throughout.
One would think that Dickens, too, would have
enjoyed making wry remarks at the movies, given his obsession with
acting out his works before his adoring public (a habit, alas, that
seems to have killed him). Dickens, though, has not only made
literary masterpieces that have been transformed into cinematic
ones, but his sensibility has come to suffuse the warp and woof of
the creative imagination of such a great director as Ingmar Bergman
and his stunning work, Wild Strawberries. Although
there is no overt allusion, to Dickens' A Christmas Carol,
the structure is unmistakable. A cold, lonely old man, Isak
Borg, whose wealth could benefit his relations instead takes
pleasure in belittling them with his brusque manner. The movie
is set during one day (Ding!). Throughout that day, Borg has
three major dream sequences (Ding! Ding!). In the first, he
dreams that he is alone in a street of ruined houses. A
driverless Victorian hearse drives up and its coffin crashes before
him. He looks inside and sees himself. The second occurs
after he stops to visit his childhood home and while picking wild
strawberries (shades of Proust and his
tea-soaked madelines) is reminded of the care-free days of his
youth. This is not strictly a dream in that Isak
is present during private conversations that occurred when he was
originally absent on a fishing trip with his father (think here of
Scrooge visiting with the Ghost of Christmas Present the Bob
Cratchit household with Tiny Tim). The last dream occurs in
Isak'scar after he has a number of adventures with various colorful
characters. In this dream he is judged for his present-day
sins with these new acquaintances as the jury and prosecutor (Ding!
Ding! Ding!).
And then, at the end of the day, Isak decides
to change his ways. Bergman, though, improves on the original
A Christmas Carol, by slyly making the ending look ambiguous
with the possible interpretation that Isak is now too old to change
and these revelations will go unheeded. Actually, it seems to
me that he's just had a long day and all will be well in the morning
(his son makes clear that he will stay with his wife because he
would die without her--even though she will bear a son against his
wishes; his housekeeper will not let him address her by her first
name, but, in a tone that's clear even in Swedish, she lets him know
she's keeping the door open if he needs anything at all, and,
finally, he tries to tell his son that his son need no longer repay
the debt to him, but, that too, can wait for the morrow).
Ahh, Wild Strawberries and Dickens, a tasty combination!
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Patrick: Lagniappe
During the reign of Stalin, the efficiencies of power reached
such a level of refinement that men in gray suits were sent from the
Hoover Institution in California to learn how it was done. The
information was more gymnastic than encyclopedic, requiring a nimble
intelligence.
“Substitute a weathervane for a compass,” one of Stalin’s gray men
told one of Hoover’s gray men. “Every day requires a new
vocabulary.”
“Never drink from the same faucet twice,” another said.
“Truth can be cut with a knife to serve two.”
--Midnight by Eric Hanson (from McSweeney’s 15).
Ding! Dong! Foetry is Dead; Long Live Foetry!
A few weeks ago, I posted about this nifty website,
foetry.com,
which sought to expose the allegedly sleazy relationships between
poets and judges of various university-sponsored poetry contests.
Well, the New York Times yesterday ran an
article on the recently-outed operator of the website who, it
reported, has now shut it down as the result of losing his
anonymity. The article features a particularly smug photo of
Jorie
Graham, one of the poets most criticized on the foetry site for
awarding first prize in a contest she judged to her then paramour
and soon-to-be-and-current husband. There’s plenty of juicy
details in the article including a brilliant defense by Ms. Graham
of her past actions who “said in a telephone interview yesterday
that the claims on Foetry were untrue as well as ‘vitriolic and very
painful’ and took unfair aim ‘at the people who have worked to try
to help young poets in this country.’” Well, that clears
everything up then. Ms. Graham did not explain, though, how
her fiftyish husband qualifies as a “young” poet but I’m willing to
give her a pass on that since Baby Boomers, as they, shall we say,
ripen, keep dragging the age cut-off for the definition of
youth up with them. I shudder to see them in their seventies
in fishnet stockings and lycra.
Well, now that the fishnet stocking has been ripped off the head of
the proprietor of foetry, the New York Times has been quick to crow
that he had pulled the plug on the site and gone slinking off to
face his condign punishment—“No enjambment for you, you naughty,
naughty little boy.” Well, guess what? He’s back! I’ll
let him do the talking:
Foetry! We missed you. Why did you come back? It's the biased and
poorly researched article in the New York Times declaring a
surrender. Reminds me of the Wicked Witch of the West flying through
the sky, "Surrender Foetry." You can thank Foets, Janet Holmes and
Jorie Graham, who have threatened me with legal action and said that
I lied. Well, Foets, the site's back up and I stand behind the
information here. -- Alan Cordle
Okay, the Classics Aren’t Coming
I started my earlier post this week about the Independent
article containing what seemed to be incredible news about a
breakthrough in deciphering the Oxyrhynchus Papyri which could
increase by 20 percent the number of classical works, by stating
that I assumed it to be true. Well, you know the old saw about
“assume.” Anyhoo, call off the dogs, it appears that the story
is a
tarted-up publicity piece from a slow news day. It still
might be true. Just like the
Piltdown Man. Oh well. Another good example of hopes
getting in the way of facts. My favorite literary character is
still Don Quixote, though.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
The summer sky was blue, with white clouds, and
the darting flight of swallows. In the distance the sound of a brass
band mixed with the rattling of streetcars. Gil put the finished
pages in order. He straightened them and squared the pile with the
palms of his hands. In spite of everything, a man was given a change
to get a little peace. He allotted himself a task and, while
performing it, realized that it was meaningless, that it was lost
among a mass of human endeavors and strivings. But when a pen hung
in air and there was a problem of interpretation or syntax to solve,
all those who once, long ago, had applied thought and used language
were near us. You touched the delicate tracings warmed by their
breath, and communion with them brought peace. Who could be so
conceited as to be quite sure that he knew which actions were linked
up and complementary; and which would recede into futility and be
forgotten, forming no part of the common heritage? But was it not
better, instead, to ponder the only important question: how a man
could preserve himself from the taint of sadness and indifference.
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Caliban’s Guide to Letters, Part III
Having mastered the twin towers of reviewing and poesy, it is time
for you, the nimble literary mountaineer, to turn your back upon the
misty slopes of Mount Parnassus and descend into the foothills of
the not as lucrative but still remunerative heights of the lesser
literary production, the personal paragraph. This is a short,
anecdotal scribbling which still appears in abbreviated form in such
lofty citadels of literature as the New Yorker. Here’s a few
admirable examples of this neglected art:
Lady Gumm’s kindness of heart is well known. She lately presented a
beggar with a shilling, and then discovered that she had not the
wherewithal to pay her fare home from Queen’s Gate to 376, Park Lane
(her ladyship’s town house). Without a moment’s hesitation she
borrowed eighteen pence of the grateful mendicant, a circumstance
that easily explains the persecution of which she has lately been
the victim.
* *
* *
* *
* *
Lord Harmbury was lately discovered on the top of a ‘bus by an
acquaintance who taxed him with the misadventure. “I would rather be
caught on a ‘bus than in a trap,” said the witty peer. The mot has
had some success in London Society.
* *
* *
* *
*
*
Lady Sophia Van Huren is famous for her repartee. In passing through
Grosvenor Gate an Irish beggar was heard to hope that she would die
the black death of Machushla Shawn. A sharp reply passed her lips,
and it is a thousand pities that no one exactly caught its tenor; it
was certainly a gem.
Enough of the personal paragraph, you should all be able to excel at
clomping up its gently sloping heights. In closing, let’s turn
our sights now to the end of Mr. Caliban’s admirable instruction
book, his Note on Style. Here it is in its entirety:
One does well to have by one a few jottings that will enable one to
add to one’s compositions what one call’s style in case it is
demanded [N.B.: I initially mistyped this as “damnanded”—ahh, the
telling unconscious stroke] of one by an editor.
I would not insist too much upon the point; it is simple enough, and
the necessity of which I speak does not often crop up. But editors
differ very much among themselves, and every now and then one gets a
manuscript returned with the note, “please improve style,” in blue
pencil, on the margin. If one had no ideas as to the meaning of this
a good deal of time might be wasted, so I will add here what are
considered to be the five principal canons of style or good English.
The first canon, of course, is that style should have Distinction.
Distinction is a quality much easier to attain than it looks. It
consists, on the face of it, in the selection of peculiar words and
their arrangement in an odd and perplexing order, and the objection
is commonly raised that such irregularities cannot be rapidly
acquired. Thus the Chaplain of Barford, preaching upon style last
Holy Week, remarked, “there is a natural tendency in stating some
useless and empty thing to express oneself in a common or vulgar
manner.” That is quite true, but it is a tendency which can easily
be corrected, and I think that that sentence I have just quoted
throws a flood of light on the reverend gentleman’s own
deficiencies.
Of course no writer is expected to write or even to speak in this
astonishing fashion, but what is easier than to go over one’s work
and strike out ordinary words? There should be no hesitation as to
what to put in their place. Halliwell’s “Dictionary of Archaic and
Provincial Words” will give one all the material one may require.
Thus “lettick” is charming Rutlandshire for “decayed” or
“putrescent,” and “swinking” is a very good alternative for
“working.” It is found in Piers Plowman.
It is very easy to draw up a list of such unusual words, each
corresponding with some ordinary one, and to pin it up where it will
meet your eye. In all this matter prose follows very much the same
rules as were discovered and laid down for verse on page 86 [N.B.:
see yesterday’s post].
The second canon of style is that it should be obscure, universally
and without exception. The disturbance of the natural order of words
to which I have just alluded is a great aid, but it is not by any
means the only way to achieve the result. One should also on
occasion use several negatives one after the other and the sly
correction of punctuation is very useful. I have known a fortune to
be made by the omission of a full stop, and a comma put right in
between a noun and its adjective was the beginning of Daniel
Witton’s reputation. A foreign word misspelt is also very useful.
Still more useful is some allusion to some historical person or
event of which your reader cannot possibly have heard. As to the
practice, which has recently grown up, of writing only when one is
drunk, or of introducing plain lies into every sentence, they are
quite unworthy of the stylist properly so called, and can never
permanently add to one’s reputation.
The third canon of style is the occasional omission of a verb or of
the predicate. Nothing is more agreeably surprising, and nothing
more effective. I have known an honest retired major-general, while
reading a novel in his club, to stop puzzling at one place for an
hour or more in his bewilderment at this delightful trick, and for
years after he would exclaim with admiration at the style of the
writer.
The fourth canon of style is to use metaphors of a striking,
violent, and wholly novel kind, in the place of plain statement: as,
to say “the classics were grafted on the standing stirp of his mind
rather than planted in its soil,” which means that the man had
precious little Greek, or again, “we propose to canalize, not to dam
the current of Afghan development,” which means that the commander
of our forces in India strongly refused to campaign beyond the
Khyber.
This method, which is invaluable for the purpose of flattering the
rich, is very much used among the clergy, and had its origin in our
great Universities, where it is employed to conceal ignorance, and
to impart tone and vigour to the tedium of academic society. The
late Bishop of Barchester was a past master of this manner, and so
was Diggin, the war correspondent, who first talked of a gun
“coughing” at one, and was sent home by Lord Kitchener for lying.
The fifth canon of style is, that when you are bored with writing
and do not know what to say next, you should hint at unutterable
depths of idea by the introduction of a row of asterisks.
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
I know, I know, you question my veracity that this little book was
actually published in 1903 or that it has long since drifted out of
print, given that it’s precepts seem to be so widely practiced
today. But I assure you such is the case. There are no
samizdat copies passed furtively from one pink, puffy paw to the
next in the bowels of our universities. No grubby hands have
gleaned its gems on Grub Street. It is in the air, the
zeitgeist of our literary culture. Too, bad, though, of that
fifth rule of style having fallen out of favor. I feel that a
row of asterisks would certainly have benefited a number of my own
lucubrations.
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
*
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Patrick: Lagniappe
The front page was filled with the big trial of
“traitors to the nation, base servants of the Anglo-American
intelligence service.” Gil always admired the subtlety with which
trials of that kind were prepared. Dates, events, meetings were, he
believed, on the whole substantially true. The skill lay in the
interpretation so that, when put together, the most innocent and
accidental data composed themselves into the picture of a crime. As
a malicious anonymous poet once said: “From a small grain of truth a
plant of lies grows; when telling a lie it’s fatal to neglect the
truth.”
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Caliban’s Guide to Letters, Part II
So what are some of Caliban’s recommendations for being a successful
journalist? First, one needs to become adept in the ancient and
honorable art of reviewing:
As it is the most important, so also it is the first which a man of
letters should learn. It is at once his shield and his weapon. A
thorough knowledge of Reviewing, both theoretical and applied, will
give a man more popularity or power than he could have attained by
the expenditure of a corresponding energy in any one of the liberal
professions, with the possible exception of Municipal politics.
Caliban then includes a sample review titled, A Young Poet in
Danger: Mr. Mayhem’s “Pereant Qui Nostra.” Here’s a summary of
this excellent example of the reviewer’s art:
We fear that in “Pereant qui Nostra,” [N.B.: “we who perish”] Mr.
Mayhem has hardly added to his reputation, and we might even doubt
whether he was well advised to publish it at all. “Tufts in the
Orchard” gave such promise, that the author of the exquisite lyrics
it contained might easily have rested on the immediate fame that
first effort procured him:
“Lord, look to England; England looks to you,”
and—
“Great unaffected vampires and the moon,”
are lines the Anglo-Saxon race will not readily let die.
* *
* *
* *
*
It is more regrettable that he has missed true poetic diction and
lost his subtlety in a misapprehension of planes and values.
“Vile, vile old man, and yet more vile again,”
is a line that we are sure Mr. Mayhem would reconsider in his better
moments: “more vile” than what? Than himself? The expression is far
too vague.
* *
* *
* *
*
“Babbler of Hell, importunate mad fiend, dead canker, crested worm,”
are vigorous and original, but do not save the sonnet.
After having mastered the reviewer’s art, our manikin of letters may
now sup on the firmer broth of the short story. This section of the
book starts off with a helpful review of the current state of the
law regarding the short story, including the decision of Justice
Veal (brother of Lord Burpham) that “the word ‘story’ would hold as
a definition for any concoction of words whatsoever, of which it
could be proved that it was built up of separate sentences, such
sentences each to consist of at least one predicate and one verb,
real or imaginary.” From these legal decisions, Mr. Caliban
deduces the five simple rules which concern the Short Story:
1st. It should, as a practical matter apart from the law, contain
some incident.
2nd. That incident should take place on the sea, or in brackish, or
at least tidal, waters.
3rd. The hero should be English-speaking, white or black.
4th. His adventures should be horrible; but no kind of moral should
be drawn from them, unless it be desired to exalt the patriotism of
the reader.
5th. Every short story should be divided by a “Caesura”: that is, it
should break off sharp in the middle.
There follows an exemplar of these rules from the author’s own hand
concerning a gentleman who falls into the brackish waters of the
lower Thames near the shore where the water comes up to his
shoulders and is subsequently saved “within forty-three seconds of
his falling” by a boat-hook, but, from then on, he embellishes the
story into a life-saving adventure from drowning so that upon his
death he leaves the sum of £69,337. 6s. 3d. to the Lifeboat Fund.
Once this ripping yarn has roused the reader’s blood, it is only
fitting that the next chapter would concern the composition of
poetry and the short lyric. Here, the author divides poetry up
into two schools or styles: the Prattling style and the Obscure
style. There are six rules for the Obscure style which are
exemplified by the following:
THE YELLOW MUSTARD
Oh! Ye that prink it to and fro,
In pointed flounce and furbelow,
What have ye known, what can ye know
That have not seen the mustard grow?
The yellow mustard is no less
Than God’s good gift to loneliness;
And he was sent in gorgeous press,
To jangle keys at my distress.
I heard the throstle call again
Come hither, Pain! come hither, Pain!
Till all my shameless feet were fain
To wander through the summer rain.
And far apart from human place,
And flaming like a vast disgrace,
There struck me blinding in the face
The livery of the mustard race.
* * * * *
To see the yellow mustard grow
Beyond the town, above, below;
Beyond the purple houses, oh!
To see the yellow mustard grow!
[N.B.: The lead
article in this week’s NYTBR has an excellent example of Mr.
Caliban’s dictum that one should dwell on obscurities in order to
befuddle and brow-beat the reader into the false position of
presuming that the reviewer is more intelligent than he—or a sheep
dog. Here, the reviewer positively gloats over his own
superiority: “[T]he war between the outlaws and the canonicals was
another dispute between the Big-Endians and the Small-Endians. (Half
a dozen people with a taste for the recherche will even get this
allusion).” Half a dozen? Really, that’s quite
presumptuous that Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels has
fallen that far out of favor. I believe that sheepdogs find
his works more diverting than chew bones.]
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Patrick: Lagniappe
“The recognition of the existing order of
affairs is not false on my part. It is a realistic assessment. On
the other hand, I do not recognize your philosophy and I shall
always make that clear. I am a Catholic.”
“The meaning of that word is not at all clear today,” said Wolin.
“It was clear as long as a man could include dogmas in his picture
of the world. He can’t do that today. From Catholicism, at least
here in this country, you have derived—or thought you derived—your
political conceptions. But in reality it was from your political
conceptions that you deduced the need for Catholicism.”
“Your weakness lies in refusing to take intangible things into
account.” Michael looked up with half-closed lids. “There has been a
thousand years of Catholicism here, and a nation which denies its
traditions loses its spiritual life. It’s a question of keeping
faith.”
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Caliban’s Guide to Letters
Hilaire Belloc is now chiefly remembered for his scabrous poems
about what happens to naughty children. An example may be found
here.
Belloc was a chum-in-arms with G. K. Chesterton (George Bernard Shaw
referred to the two of them as a strange zoological specimen, the
Chesterbelloc). Belloc was incredibly prolific and could
scribble out several books in a year during his prime. His
Caliban’s Guide to Letters (the full title being: The
Aftermath; or, Gleanings from a Busy Life: Called upon the outer
cover for purposes of sale, Caliban’s Guide to Letters) is one
of these sparks that flew off of him during his prime (1903).
It purports to be a book written by the anonymous friend of the
deceased Mr. Caliban who has, in a fit of homage, edited Mr.
Caliban’s pronouncements on the production of journalism into a
book. This parody extends not just to the “how to” guides for
being a successful literary provocateur, but to the scaffolding that
goes into making a book. For example, Belloc has a page of
questionable press notices (“. . . very repetitive and tiresome
stuff . . . “ and “ . . . This is a book which those who take it up
will not willingly lay down, and those who lay it down will not
willingly take up . . .”--this, by the bye, decades before Norman
Mailer did the same thing for his dreadful novel, The Deer Park)
as well as a mock errata list (“for ‘enteric’ read ‘esoteric’” and
“for ‘the charming prospect of such a bribe,’ read ‘Bride’”).
There’s also an amusing introduction which provides a précis for the
illustrious Mr. Caliban, and his immortal quotations, including this
anecdote:
His political effect was immense, and that though he never acceded
to the repeated request that he would stand upon one side or the
other as a candidate for Parliament. He remained, on the contrary,
to the end of his career, no more than president of a local
association. It was as a speaker, writer, and preacher, that his
ideas spread outwards; thousands certainly now use political phrases
which they may imagine their own, but which undoubtedly sprang from
his creative brain. He was perhaps not the first, but one of the
first, to apply the term “Anglo-Saxon” to the English-speaking
race—with which indeed he was personally connected through his
relatives in New Mexico. The word “Empire” occurs in a sermon of his
as early as 1869. He was contemporary with Mr. Lucas, if not before
him, in the phrase, “Command of the sea”: and I find, in a letter to
Mrs. Gorch, written long ago in 1873, the judgment that Protection
was “no longer,” and the nationalization of land “not yet,” within
“the sphere of practical politics.”
The author, though, does not dally merely upon Mr. Caliban’s
literary genius, but also notes his many other positive
qualities—such as his appreciation of foreign peoples:
Of Scandinavia he knew singularly little, but that little was in its
favor; and as for the German Empire, his stanzas to Prince Bismarck,
and his sermon on the Emperor’s recent visit, are too well known to
need any comment here. To Holland he was, until recently, attracted.
Greece he despised.
Also included are samples of Mr. Caliban’s witty repartee, including
the following riposte regarding unfavorable comment concerning
England’s use during the Boer War of the concentration camp [N.B.:
the term and tactic was invented by the British as a way to suppress
popular insurrection in South Africa]:
A young radical of sorts was declaiming at his table one evening
against the Concentration Camp. Dr. Caliban listened patiently, and
at the end of the harangue said gently, “Shall we join the ladies?”
The rebuke was not lost.
Not until after this amusing biographical sketch do we have the
actual manuscript providing one with a humorous crib notes on how to
be a successful journalist. As one might surmise, journalists
were held in the same high degree of regard and self-esteem at the
turn of the nineteenth century that they find themselves in today.
Oh, if you wish to purchase a copy, I would direct you to
abebooks, in
that the book itself—like most literary productions—has long been
out of print.
[N.B.: The current issue of The Spectator contains a
book review of a new collection of Nelson’s letters, titled,
appropriately enough, Nelson: The New Letters. The reviewer,
Philip Hensher, with no discernible irony, effuses over the phrasing
of the letters: “The letters are full of neat touches, and here are
the first appearances of some of Nelson’s happiest phrases: the
‘band of brothers’, or, in the famous prayer in the journal on the
eve of Trafalgar, ‘may humanity after Victory be the predominant
feature in the British fleet.’” Well, at least we now have
solved where Shakespeare cribbed the famous phrase for the eponymous
hero’s speech in Henry V. No mention on whether Nelson coined
the phrases, “Anchors aweigh!” or “an eye for an eye.” It’s
too bad Caliban’s Guide to Letters is out of print. Mr.
Hensher may have profited from it.]
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Patrick: Lagniappe
“Dialectics!” he shrugged his shoulders. “Marx
didn’t teach that the understanding of facts should be prevented by
force. I don’t know if you ever heard of a man called Machajski. One
of our Socialists. That was a long time ago, in my youth. The Czar’s
government had him deported to Siberia. He was the author of only
one small booklet, published in Russian, in which he expounded his
theory. According to him, when you say that the proletariat makes a
revolution, this really means that revolution is being made by
intellectuals looking for their place in the social organism. You
know, there’s a grain of truth in that. Look at the madness of the
Russian intelligentsia, a suicidal madness. Like the sexual
attraction of a male spider to the female that will devour him
afterwards. Look at the backward countries, at India, China. The
masses are apathetic there. But let a man learn to read, taste some
knowledge, go to a university, and he becomes a Stalinist. This
seems to him obvious and logical. The great snare of the twentieth
century. If it’s scientifically precise and looks good on paper why
not wish for it, why not put it into practice? When the sorcerer’s
apprentice begins to wonder about demonism it’s too late; he’s
already the servant of the demon he liberated.”
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
The Classics are coming! The Classics are
coming!
I assume this
story from the Independent is true. It appears that a group of
Oxford classicists have employed infra-red technology to decipher a
garbage dump hoard of ancient papyri found at the end of the
nineteenth century, known as the Oxyrhynchus Papyri (Here’s the
official
website). Unreadable until now, this collection found in
historic dumps outside the Graeco-Egyptian town of Oxyrhynchus
(“city of the sharp-nosed fish”) contains an estimated five million
words which could lead to a 20 percent increase in the number of
ancient Greek and Roman works in existence. Just in the last week
scholars have deciphered lost writings by Sophocles, Euripides,
Hesiod and others. I have not found any other reference to
this story, but it strikes me as a huge blockbuster, the most
exciting piece of literary news I can recall in my lifetime.
Or is this further confirmation that I’m some kind of odd-ball crank
whose interests rarely coincide with those of the day-to-day
hurly-burly literary world? We will leave the answer to that
query, along with, hopefully, a lot fewer of the plays of Sophocles,
to the mists of time.
Back to the Future with the New York Times Book Review
This week’s
NYTBR
is a real gas, a cool cat, a hot tamale, a polygon in squares-ville.
Can you dig it? The lead article is titled The Rebel
Establishment by David Gates (who he? Well, I googled him and
the first couple of entries that came up concerned a
David Gates from the ‘70s rock band, Bread, along with a
scintillating
interview and some “come hither” pics; followed by
David Gates & Associates, a landscape architecture, urban design
and land planning firm in Danville, California (it’s actually a
nifty looking site}; oh, here we go,
David Gates, he writes for Newsweek and has published some
books, including Jernigan and Preston Falls (okay, not
so nifty, but do visit that cool architectural site)). So, Mr.
Gates has written one long, rambling review of The Outlaw Bible
of American Literature which concerns one, long rambling
movement, America’s outlaw literanistas. It is to laugh.
Included are such neglected figures as one Norman Mailer. Oh,
if only it were true!
But the literanistas were never particularly concerned with the
truth (or writing, or grammar, or spelling, or, or, or . . . ).
Gates rightfully ridicules the editors’ introduction which includes
such barmy sentiments as: “Some of our best, our fiercest, our most
volcanic prose is not a tongue-twisted Henry Jamesian labyrinth of
‘creative writing’ but an outraged American songline of tear-stained
revelation.” Then, to show his street cred, Gates adds, “I can’t sit
still for James either—who the hell can?—but the editors ought to
visit some creative writing classes: these days, both Jamesian
maundering and Vesuvian spewing get the red pencil.” What a
little, little man you are—one of Harry Lime’s smudged dots that
absolutely no one would miss. I can understand someone not
liking James, but here’s some advice—don’t admit it; you merely
confirm your own literary stature for everyone else (the same is
true for a limited number of other authors, including Shakespeare,
Austen, Dickens and Elliot—not the one “l” Eliot, alas). Also,
that remark about creative writing is quite illuminating.
As I have ranted about before, I find creative writing (the course,
not the concept) to be, in general, the bane of good writing in the
United States. Gates’s remark helps to explain why. Some
view creative writing as a procrustean bed upon which any little
individual quirks or habits—what the benighted ancients referred to
as “style”—are hacked off and cut up into bloody little bits so that
we can all write like Frank Conroy (by the bye, the New York Times
has an
article about his successor to the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, Ms.
Lan Samantha Chang—salary $115,500, who says teaching scribbling
don’t pay?—who offers the refreshing insight about workshops:
“I don’t think they should advocate one aesthetic over another.”
She also is opposed to using workshops as therapy sessions.
Perhaps the literary worm has turned.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
One day, pushing aside the rushes, he saw a
group of young men and girls. They were all completely naked. They
were playing cards. By their nakedness, by the lazy movements with
which they shuffle and dealt their cards in the emptiness of
suspended time, they demonstrated their complete indifference to
communal laws, customs, tasks, problems of the past and future.
Duty, convictions, the sacrifice of their own lives were all far
behind them. They were alive and that was all. If Seal were to go up
to them and say that, like them, he was a soldier of this shattered
city, they would look up, invite him with a gesture to join in, and
deal him a hand. Letting the rushes go and quietly moving away, he
retained an impression of places where, among traces of transient
civilizations, on the banks of flowing rivers through deserted
lands, there lived small groups of people ignorant of each other’s
existence, equally hostile to what had been and what would be. He
was like them; there were many of them; but they would lead to
nothing.
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Achilles and Hamlet, Part Two
Achilles’ anger—his god-like fury—is, at first, hard to fathom.
Here’s the set-up: The leader of the Greek expedition to Troy,
Agamemnon, is ticked off that he has to give up his war booty, a
priestess of Apollo, because it’s decreed by the gods. Achilles
urges him to obey the gods, and Agamemnon grudgingly agrees.
But then, Agamemnon turns around and takes Achilles war booty,
Briseus. This greatly angers Achilles, and not just because it
shows a lack of respect. In ancient Greek society, warriors
had two things to strive for: honor and undying glory.
Honor, for them, was a hydraulic concept, a win-lose scenario.
If someone gains honor that only can be at the expense of someone
else, as Agamemnon graphically demonstrates. Undying glory,
too, is a win-lose scenario, but with more finality: One gains
undying glory by killing someone else in battle. So, the only
way to gain undying glory, immortality, is to mortally wound someone
(actually, a bunch of someones). [N.B.: By the bye, this
explains why poets were so highly prized in Greek society; they were
the mechanism, the transmitting device, the techne, for the
warrior’s immortality. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!].
If one thinks about it, these prizes, honor and undying glory, are
based on the very slippery sands of humiliating or killing others
while risking one’s own shame or death. This is little better
than the bull moose who leads the herd only until he grows too old
to fend off the attacks of the younger moose (meese?).
Achilles comes to this realization when Agamemnon deprives him of
his war booty, Briseus.
Further, Achilles, unique among all the humans in Greek mythology,
knows his two possible fates: Achieve undying glory on the
battlefield and die young or go home and live a long and uneventful
(and forgotten) life. It’s practically unheard of that a human
might have more than one fate—or to be able to choose his fate.
Achilles, the son of a goddess, Thetis, is given this insight into
his own future. And, spurred on by the actions of Agamemnon,
he chooses to reject the warrior’s ethos grounded as it is in a
vampiric code that one can live only upon the blood of others. All
of this is made explicit when Agamemnon, in desperation, later sends
an embassy to Achilles offering to return Briseus and throwing in a
Super-Deluxe Price-Is-Right Showcase of Fabulous Prizes.
Achilles turns it down—sure, he might get the prizes today but
Agamemnon can just take them away tomorrow; and he’s right back
where he started. What’s the point? So he sits at his
ships and is resolved to return home, content to have his fellow
Greeks slaughtered.
Of course, we all know that Achilles does not return home. His
good friend, Patroclus, is killed; and, in a rage, Achilles returns
to the battle. In my view, this is the true tragedy of
Achilles’ wrath. Not that his rage causes him to withdraw from
battle but it pricks him on to dying undying glory.
The same is true for Hamlet who rejects the ethos of his society
based on “seeming” and subterfuge. His “to be or not to be” is
not much dissimilar from the choice of Achilles. Hamlet can
choose to end his existence in such a rotten society or to continue
on. Ultimately, events get out of Hamlet’s hands—just as with
Achilles—and his choice, death, is made for him. He fights
Laertes, is poisoned, and dies—dragging everyone else down with him.
Achilles’ failure to leave also results in a multitude of deaths:
Himself, his best friend, the Trojans, their wives, their daughters
and even their babies which are dashed upon the rocks from the
ramparts. Indeed, death continues to spiral out in wider and
wider circles as the gods become angered by the atrocities the
Greeks commit against the Trojans. Soon death embraces almost
everyone (the wily Odysseus being the exception—yet another reason
The Odyssey is such an inferior epic to The Iliad).
The tragedy for both Achilles and Hamlet is that in some way they
have the potential for transcendence but, by choosing not to choose,
their choices are made for them: Death.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
“My people don’t exist any more. The Polish
Jews. There were three million of them. They’ve perished like
those here or like my parents in their Galician village. There was
limitless promise, the chain of unborn generations. Great
scholars, artists, writers who might have existed and now never
will. Everything that was best has perished. And who was
saved? A small number of those who had money. A few
people like myself, assimilated, already almost Aryan. At the
cost of broken solidarity.”
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Achilles and Hamlet
[N.B.: Warning! Self-indulgent hobby-horseish blather to follow.]
Probably the most notorious of T. S. Eliot’s ex cathedra
pronouncements as a critic was that Hamlet, the play,
failed because the “objective correlative” to explain Hamlet’s
strong emotion—his disgust—had an insufficient cause: His
mother’s guilt as a, perhaps, unknowing accomplice in the death of
her first husband, Hamlet’s father, to be supplanted through her
hasty (less than two months from the death) marriage to his brother,
Hamlet’s uncle, Claudius. In other words, Eliot thought that
the extremity of the disgust was due to an insufficient cause (i.e.,
it’s underdetermined). At this point, one could crack a few ribald
jokes about the gray, bloodless professor [N.B.: By the bye, that
reminds me of Hilaire Belloc’s poem,
Lines to a Don, which includes the following: Don
clerical/Don ordinary/Don self-absorbed and solitary/Don
here-and-there/Don epileptic/Don puffed and empty/Don dyspeptic/Don
middle-class/Don Sycophantic/Don dull/Don brutish/Don pedantic] and
Eliot’s relationship to his own mother.
Let’s leave everyone’s mother out of it, shall we? We are all
post-Freudian, now. Still, I would like to dispute this idea that
the objective correlative is not strong enough in Hamlet.
Indeed, I believe that Hamlet’s professed disgust for his mother is
actually a ruse—consciously or not—to disguise his true disgust with
the society in which he finds himself. Hamlet is one of those few,
remarkable men that is successful not only in the society in which
he finds himself but can gleam its structure and shortcomings and
wish to change it into something better (Hamlet, in other words, is
a potentially transcendent figure). But Hamlet can’t.
And that’s his real objective correlative. He can rail against
his mother—and women in general for their inability, as Hamlet sees
it, to be faithful to society’s mores and womens’ consequent
changeability (“Get thee to a nunnery”). But he can’t rail
against the actual mores of a society where custom is better
followed in the breach and one may smile and smile and still be a
villain. As Hamlet puts it to his mother, Gertrude, very early
on in the play, “Seems, madam? Nay, it is. I know not ‘seems.’”
It is this keynote of modern society where appearances must be
different from substance which repulses and disgusts Hamlet.
His mother’s behavior simply exemplifies it. So, Hamlet’s
disgust for his mother is to serve as a metonymy (and a synecdoche),
if one will, for his disgust with society as a whole. That is
the true and equivalent objective correlative.
Why bother with this long-forgotten dust-up about the objective
correlative concerning T. S. Eliot, a literary figure who has gone
somewhat into eclipse? First, in spite of my mumblings above,
I think Eliot is a rare two-fer: A great poet and a great
critic. The notion of the “objective correlative” is a helpful
one for judging literary endeavors—even though Eliot, in introducing
the notion, failed to use it properly, in my opinion. Also,
because Eliot’s analysis points to another character whose emotion
seems out of proportion to the motivating event—Achilles and his
anger in The Iliad. The first line of The Iliad
tells us the play is about Achilles’ anger, his god-like wrath.
And why is he so angry? Why does he sulk on the beach while
the other Greeks are massacred and driven back to their ships, their
armies broken before the might of Hector and his Trojans?
Because Agamemnon took Achilles’ war-booty (literally), Briseus,
from him. Huh? Talk about a mismatch of an objective
correlative.
How can the towering rage of Achilles be justified by the objective
correlative of taking a slave girl? If Hamlet’s disgust at his
mother seems forced, then this certainly appears ludicrous.
Actually, it doesn’t. Just as Hamlet’s feelings for his mother
are transposed from his feelings towards society as a whole, the
same is true for Achilles and his emotions regarding the taking of
Briseus.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
When Peter wrote two pages of a literary essay
in order to please his teacher everything changed suddenly. He had
forgotten his amazement at the time. His pen moved smoothly over the
paper; he allowed himself to be guided by the logic of a reasoning
that was independent of truth and falsehood; it had its own
validity. And what was more important, when he tried to control
himself, nothing intelligent came into his head. He suffered from a
lack of ideas and earned comments like: “Subject undeveloped. Style
too concise, too telegraphic.” But later, ideas rushed to him of
their own accord and he caught them with the greatest ease. He
received a good grade, and when he applied his method to his whole
behavior at school, he soon became one of the best students in his
class. The whole secret lay in a pliant yielding to social pressure;
it was important not to believe too much in what was recommended
(which would be bad, for it would have cramped him internally), and
not to believe too little. And what else had he been doing since his
release from camp? He was falling back into his old school
habit—through it was only at this moment that he had realized it,
while talking to Baruga. The new system was just like a big school,
and millions of people had discovered its mechanism. It was not in
the least important to accept it with sincerity; but when expressing
an opinion, it was necessary to make internal arrangements to insure
that you really believed what you were saying. Five minutes later
you could begin to doubt privately (as in school in front of the
blackboard) every single word.
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Counting the Dots
One of my favorite movies is The Third Man (hey, you, in the
back, wearing the black turtleneck, quit yelling, “Duh!”).
There’s one scene where the antagonist, Harry Lime (played by Orson
Welles, natch’) is on a ferris wheel looking down on the crowds
below. He remarks to his companion:
Victims? Don't be melodramatic. (He opens the door to the car.) Look
down there. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots
stopped moving forever? If I offered you 20,000 pounds for every dot
that stopped, would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money?
Or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spare? Free
of income tax, old man, free of income tax. The only way you can
save money nowadays.
I know, I know, most folks prefer Welles’s ad-lib about the
Borgias
and the cuckoo clock. But this is my favorite quotation,
so tough. Oh, and what’s the analogy to be drawn from it? Some
drivel, perhaps, about who is an indispensable author/poet/scribbler
or who is just a “dot.” Or, maybe, a short, pungent essay
about indispensable works in a particular author’s oeuvre. Or,
I just might like this quote and thought I would plunk it down as a
good eye catcher at the start of this post. Yeah, that’s the
ticket.
Well, I suppose I should include some list of vague, literary
interest that has some tangential relationship to the quote. I
know, I’ll list my top twenty living authors whose books I’ll snap
up and soon as they are published (who knows, a hundred years from
now they all might seem nothing more than smudged dots). So, without
further ado, here’s my top twenty—actually, top twenty-two:
1.
Peter Ackroyd
2.
Martin Amis
3.
John Banville
4. Julian
Barnes
5. A. S. Byatt
6.
J. M. Coetzee
7.
Umberto Eco
8.
Seamus Heaney
9.
John Keegan
10.
Frank Kermode
11.
Milan Kundera
12.
David Lodge
13.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
14. Ian McEwan
15.
W. S. Merwin
16.
V. S. Naipaul
17. Joyce Carol
Oates
18. Jose
Saramago
19.
Simon Schama
20. Muriel
Spark
21.
William Trevor
22.
David Foster Wallace
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Patrick: Lagniappe
“What begins with a lie will remain a lie. Your
father was overjoyed when the Revolution broke out there. Czarism
was abolished. You know yourself what it’s like. You talk the way
you do because you have to. If you’d spoken differently you wouldn’t
have been able to get out. Anyone who speaks the way he has to speak
begins to think what he’s got to think.”
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Lady Barberina and the Barbarians, Part II
So our good Dr. Lemon soon contemplates marriage to the good Lady
Barberina. He, being an American, does not quite appreciate the
difference between himself and the British (this story is a
light-hearted variation of HJ’s early, tragic novel, The American).
Henry James, though, typically in the form of the old and wise
expatriate Americans, the Freers, is happy to serve as our guide.
Dexter Freer/Henry James doesn’t want to let the good Dr. Lemon in
on his future discomfiture too quickly, though, because he wants the
marriage to proceed as “[i]t will be very amusing.” Mrs. Freer
demurs in that she thinks it will make Dr. Lemon “wretched.”
Indeed, there is a great gulf—and not just the Atlantic
ocean—between Dr. Lemon and Lady Barberina. First, as
explained by Dexter Freer, Lemon is a Doctor and, “over here, you
know, they only call them in to prescribe . . . the profession
isn’t—a—what you’d call aristocratic.” Further, the British
don’t go in for this American nonsense of the two young intendeds
actually spending some quality time together in order to try to get
to "know” each other. They’ll have plenty of time for that
once they’re married—and anyway, even a brute can seem decent in a
suit for thirty minutes. The important thing is that the bride
has a “settlement” so that if her husband winds up being a cad, she
has something to fall back upon.
Not a bad theory but Doctor Jackson will have none of it—he’s young,
he’s wealthy, he’s tall . . . okay, not tall . . . not small . . .
not as small as Lady Barberina has had a warm thought about . . .
did I mention he’s incredibly wealthy? Here he is explaining his
fabulous wealth to Lady Barberina’s only slightly non-plussed
father, Lord Canterville:
He had a fine taste, and he wished to appeal to Lord Canterville
primarily as a gentleman. But now that he had to make a double
impression, he bethought himself of his millions, for millions were
always impressive. “I think it only fair to let you know that my
fortune is really very considerable,” he remarked.
“Yes, I dare you are beastly rich,” said Lord Canterville.
“I have about seven millions.”
“Seven millions?”
“I count in dollars; upwards of a million and a half sterling.”
Lord Canterville looked at him from head to foot, with an air of
cheerful resignation to a form of grossness which threatened to
become common. Then he said, with a touch of that inconsequence of
which he had already given a glimpse: “What the deuce, then,
possessed you to turn doctor?”
Jackson Lemon coloured a little, hesitated, and then replied,
quickly: “Because I had the talent for it.”
“Of course, I don’t for a moment doubt of your ability; but don’t
you find it rather a bore?”
“I don’t practise much. I am rather ashamed to say that.”
“Ah, well, of course, in your country it’s different. I dare say
you’ve got a door-plate, eh?”
“Oh yes, and a tin sign tied to the balcony!” said Jackson Lemon,
smiling.
“What did your father say to it?”
“To my going into medicine? He said he would be hanged if he’d take
any of my does. He didn’t think I should succeed; he wanted me to go
into the house.”
“Into the House—a----“ said Lord Canterville, hesitating a little.
“Into your Congress—yes, exactly.”
“Ah, no, not so bad as that. Into the store,” Jackson Lemon replied,
in the candid tone in which he expressed himself when, for reasons
of his own, he wished to be perfectly national.
Ah, yes, dear reader, it appears we have wandered into the Victorian
version of that immortal comedy routine, “Who’s on first?” HJ
seems to get quite a chuckle over how an American and Englishman,
although both supposedly speaking English, are constantly falling
into misunderstandings—each inadvertently offending the other.
Doctor Lemon talks of his millions and seems common. Lord
Canterville is more offended by the commonness of being a Doctor.
While Lemon is aghast that any gentleman would be seen as a
politician in Congress, although Lord Canterville just last week
spoke in Parliament. What fools these mortals be.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
“Do you think I don’t understand you, my child?
I’m stupid, I don’t know anything about theories. But you want to
convince yourself that what is the same won’t be the same. For
you’re better off here than in Russia. Human beings think in terms
of places, of regions. Our secret organizations came across letters
written by German soldiers on the Eastern front to their families.
They cursed the country of murders and atrocities and longed for
their net curtains and flower pots and Gemutlichkeit. Yet
they themselves committed murders and atrocities. The place, the
region must have been responsible.
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Lady Barberina and the Barbarians
As I prognosticated a few weeks ago, I did have the opportunity to
read Henry James’s Lady Barberina. It’s a hoot!
This story was written fairly early on in HJ’s career while he’s
still in the afterglow of his greatest popular triumph, Daisy
Miller (published five years earlier in 1879). This
novella, too, is written in a light-hearted, humorous vein. It
starts with a scene that tries to out-Thackeray, Thackeray (which
James is even cheeky enough to allude to) by describing Hyde Park on
a fine afternoon in June with the spectacle of the well-to-do
strolling or riding about for the amusement of the spectators, which
include the old and wise Freers from America. The point of
this episode is to give HJ the chance to do some fine scene
painting—plus use it as a superior contrast to the paltry offerings
of Central Park in New York:
The mild blue of the sky was spotted with great silvery clouds, and
the light drizzled down in heavenly shafts over the quieter spaces
of the Park, as one saw them beyond the Row. All this, however, was
only a background, for the scene was before everything personal;
superbly so, and full of the gloss and lustre, the contrasted tones,
of a thousand polished surfaces. Certain things were salient,
pervasive—the shining flanks of the perfect horses, the twinkle of
bits and spurs, the smoothness of fine cloth adjusted to shoulders
and limbs, the sheen of hats and boots, the freshness of
complexions, the expression of smiling, talking faces, the flash and
flutter of rapid gallops. Faces were everywhere, and they were the
great effect; above all, the fair faces of women on tall horses,
flushed a little under their stiff black hats, with figures
stiffened, in spite of much definition of curve, by their
tight-fitting habits. Their hard little helmets; their neat, compact
heads; their straight necks; their firm, tailor-made armour; their
blooming, competent physique, made them look doubly like amazons
about to ride a charge.
Of course, we now know that James was a repressed homosexual, so all
this dawdling about on the aesthetic pleasures of gazing at female
flesh should be taken with a grain of salt--a bit of misdirection,
sleight of hand. Also, James being James, he doesn’t scene
paint just for aesthetic effect, but also for humorous effect as
well:
These spectators were now agitated by a unanimous impulse: the
pushing back of chairs, the shuffle of feet, the rustle of garments
and the deepening murmur of voices sufficiently expressed it.
Royalty was approaching—royalty was passing—royalty had passed.
Freer turned his head and ear a little; but failed to alter his
position further, and his wife took no notice of the flurry. They
had seen royalty pass, all over Europe, and they knew that it passed
very quickly. Sometimes it came back; sometimes it didn’t; for more
than once they had seen it pass for the last time. They were veteran
tourists and they knew perfectly when to get up and when to remain
seated.
So, that’s the set-up, a delightful June afternoon in Hyde Park.
Soon, our eponymous heroine, the daughter of Lord Canterville, Lady
Barberina Clement, shall trot up on her horse, one of HJ’s amazons.
Her Jason, Jackson Lemon, is trotting by her side. As you
might guess, he has a rather sour disposition but, no matter its
acerbity, it will probably melt before the cool, unflappable majesty
of Ms. Clement.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
Peter drank the tea and thought about the
unattainable longing of his life. He remembered his father only as
something large and warm, an emanation of cheerful strength, a great
knotty tree embracing him with its branches.
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Close (Very Close) Reading at the Atlantic Monthly
I have complained about this before, that the selections chosen for
“A Close Reading” by Christina Schwarz don’t seem all that great or
worthy of close analysis. Here’s this month’s
bleeding chunk from Stewart O’Nan’s The Good Wife, cut
out and dripping on the autopsy table:
She goes to Eileen, stopping by after work. Eileen makes instant and
listens without judging or giving advice. Patty knows she won't
discuss it with her mother—maybe Cy, but he's safe, Eileen would
never forgive him if he told anyone. As if to make things even,
Eileen offers her a secret: they're getting married.
In June. Nothing fancy, just a small ceremony at their old church
and a reception for friends at the Moose Lodge.
Schwarz describes in lines vibrating with awe her admiration for
O’Nan’s “striking economy” and “contrived naturalness” in making the
conversation seem real by telescoping the dialogue but not actually
real because it leaves out pauses, umms, and what-not. As an
example of what Binx in Walker Percy’s The Moviegoer might
describe as “doubleness,” Schwarz, in writing this analytical piece,
also engages in a “striking economy” and “contrived naturalness” of
her own by leaving out any links she might have with O’Nan.
I, at first, thought that maybe this exegesis should fall under the
category “to each his own” and that Ms. Schwarz’s tastes and mine
were wholly irreconcilable. I found the excerpt, even though
commendably brief, telescopic to the point of unintelligibility and
wholly off-putting. Then, I remembered my foetry posts, and
wondered if there might not be a less, well, naïve answer to this
mystery. Bingo! Ain’t the internet (specifically, google)
great?
By typing in “Christina Schwarz” and “Stewart O’Nan” in the google
search box, the second entry to come up—after this month’s Atlantic
Monthly essay—is a book review from the San Francisco Chronicle by
Stewart O’Nan of Christina Schwarz’s Drowning Ruth entitled
"The Lady in the Lake: Two rural sisters and an icy death make for a
breakthrough first novel." Here’s the first paragraph:
The immediately impressive thing about ``Drowning Ruth'' is not the
author's talent, though that is apparent within the first few pages,
but the ambitious narrative scheme she's devised to tell her tale.
First novelist Christina Schwarz takes great technical risks,
pulling out all the stops to relate her Gothic melodrama of two
sisters in the isolated lake country of Wisconsin.
Sounds fairly wishy-washy to me. I’m sure Ms. Schwarz, in her
ecstatic review of Steward O’Nan’s prose, plum forgot about this
lackluster review. How big of her not to mention it in her own
essay and thereby demonstrate that she could overcome her own hurt
feelings and disappointed expectations to write a glowing essay
about an author who treated her first book so shabbily.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
“Urbanski. Oh, that was a long time ago. They
arrested him in the street, back in ’40. He died at Auschwitz. His
wife and daughters—they, like nearly everybody else here . . .” She
paused.
“What do you mean, like nearly everybody else here?”
The old woman pointed with her finger at the ground.
“They said this house was unsafe. Weak, wouldn’t stand up to
bombing. So nearly everybody went to number sixteen, to the cellar
of that big house. Then there was a direct hit and they were buried
alive. They’re still there. There’s nobody to dig them out. It would
take months.”
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Frank Conroy, R.I.P.
The New York Times has a fascinating
obituary by Charles McGrath, the prior editor of the New York
Times Book Review (which tells you just how important this personage
was), of the writer, Frank Conroy, who passed away on Wednesday,
April 6, 2005. Some might wonder, who was Frank Conroy?
By the bye, the reason I am not posting about the passing of Saul
Bellow is that no one should have to ask that question of the Nobel
laureate (but go
here for a wonderful appreciation of Bellow by Ian McEwan).
In many ways, Frank Conroy may be seen as more important than Saul
Bellow, at least in terms of the hottest fad to hit literature since
the invention of streams of consciousness. I am, of course,
describing the creative writing program.
Conroy’s literary output was minimal, although
it did include a well-respected memoir, Stop-Time—but, much,
much more importantly, he was for 18 years the head of the Writers’
Workshop at the University of Iowa. He “helped shape the early
careers of writers including Curtis Sittenfeld, Elizabeth McCracken,
Z. Z. Packer, Nathan Englander and Abraham Verghese.” Who
they? Second- and third-rate nobodies. But, as I have
commented before, the medium is the message. You can’t understand
why American letters is in such a decline unless you can grasp the
phenomenon of the academicization of literature. At the heart
of this baleful trend is the creative writing program and the
writer’s workshop. And what is at the dark heart of this dark
heart? Iowa.
Iowa! Hmmm, that’s got to be right up there with the curious screed,
What’s the Matter with Kansas. So, what’s the matter
with Iowa? Let’s take a closer look at Mr. Conroy’s life.
First, the book that made him, Stop-Time, was “one of the
rare books to have been blurbed by both Norman Mailer and William
Styron, [and] made its author a literary celebrity.” Thank
goodness that atrocity can’t happen anymore. However, after
that book, things got off-track:
But 18 years elapsed between the publication of “Stop-Time” and Mr.
Conroy’s next book, “Midair,” a short-story collection. “People
thought I knew what I was doing when I wrote, ‘Stop-Time,’ but I
didn’t,” Mr. Conroy said last year. “I knew I was a very good
writer, but it had all been an act of faith.”
He just knew, knew he was a good writer—why Norman Mailer had
told him so. In spite of this confidence, Conroy produced only five
books: first the memoir (1967), then, almost two decades
later, the collection of short stories (1985), almost another decade
turns up his one novel (1993), followed at the en by a collection of
his magazine articles (2002) and a travelogue about walking through
Nantucket (2004). Pretty much the one-hit wonder,
literary-wise. Indeed, one would think this might constitute
the slimmest of reeds for a literary reputation. But, one has
forgotten the most important—the essential—literary ingredient
today: The Academy.
The Academy came calling relatively late for Conroy (after he had
hung out for several years in various jazz circles; Mingus gave him
the back-handed compliment, “You are an authentic primitive. That is
true. But you also swing.”). Conroy fell into teaching at Iowa in
1978, by happen-stance apparently, as a last-minute replacement.
I doubt that kind of fortuitous accident will happen again.
So, there he is, teaching away at Iowa. Why was he so good?
His students remember the care and instinctive sympathy he brought
to the task. Mr. Halberstam said: “I think what made him a great
teacher was that he was so wounded himself; he had a very good sense
for the wounds in other people. He knew what a frail business this
being a writer is.”
Ahhh, so he was a great therapeutic teacher—don’t hurt the little
writerlings precious wittle egos. I hope, dear reader, your
copying down these tit-bits as a recipe for success in the academic
world. But, he had more going for him than just gobs of
indiscriminate sympathy. He also “lived a big life” and was “a
very cool guy—a great hipster.” “Frank talked a kind of jazz
vernacular that would have been an affectation except it was real.”
In other words, Conroy was a character.
So, let’s summarize the lesson shall we. One can be a great
writer, a great teacher of other writers, if one over several
decades produces one book in the following genres: memoir, short
story, occasional criticism, travel and fiction; one is a character;
and, most importantly, very, very understanding and sympathetic.
And what does that get you? The most prestigious plum of all:
Head of the Iowa Writer’s Workshop. The Holy of Holies.
Truly, the emperor has no clothes. It is no coincidence that
what are considered the two greatest post-war American writers, Saul
Bellow and Vladimir Nabokov, were both Russian emigres. Nor is
it a coincidence that the greatest living writer in English, V. S.
Naipaul, has never been associated with the academy (which, to a
large degree, probably explains the tepid to negative reviews of his
works). Neither, I believe, is Tom Wolfe (ditto, ditto,
ditto). Do you get the picture? Or, as the English say,
“let me put you in the frame.” You’ve got your choice: a nice,
cozy sinecure or fame. Nothing has changed since Achilles and
The Iliad. He wisely took the road less traveled.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
They reached the river. Ragged spring clouds,
wind across an open space, pillars of ruined bridges. Gulls circled
with shrill cries over the mud flats. On the other side, in the cold
sunshine, they could see the uneven line of the ruins. Their color
for some unknown reason reminded him of meat—horsemeat; it was an
absurd notion, for in fact they were shades lighter. Peter screwed
up his eyes and tried to recognize the buildings he had known. But
he could not make any out; there was only a chaos of battered walls,
gaping holes, and great diagonal cracks. Only the fourteen-story
building in Napoleon Square stood out above this irregular range; it
had lost all its old elegance and looked like a half-chewed corncob.
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
My Presssh-usssh: Everything’s Juvenilated
Laurence Sterne has a lot to answer for. His novel,
Tristram Shandy, is finally threatening to take over the
literary world. The novel is supposedly an autobiography of
Tristram Shandy. Of course, it is no such thing. It is
an elaborate framework for tales, anecdotes, jokes, and anything
else that drifted into Sterne’s head. It is non-linear.
It is self-reflexive. It is a perpetual motion machine for
generating prose—there’s no obvious stopping point; and Sterne would
work on it intermittently throughout his career. Finally, it
is the forefather of pomo (cutesy short-hand for
“postmodernism”—just like porno). And it has a lot to answer
for, not the least of which is Jonathan Safran Foer’s egregious new
novel, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.
The title, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, sounds like
it could be for a comic book. And, indeed, this frothy little
book is full of pictures (the last eleven pages are made up of
serial photographs which, if flipped, shows a man falling up from
the Twin Towers—not only in questionable taste but thoroughly
juvenile, too), zany type, funky fonts and rainbow colors. All
it’s missing is a couple of “POWs” and a “KA-BAM.” Of course,
our eighteenth century Sterne was here long before. He had a
full ten pages of a chapter that were nothing but blank space.
If only Foer could take a blank page or two (or a couple of hundred)
from Sterne’s book. But no.
So how bad is Foer’s book? As one might guess, I don’t know
since I don’t have the approximate two to three hours to flip
through his adolescent collage of bright green and blue squiggles
and fuzzy photos. The plot is easy enough to summarize:
An insufferable, wise-beyond-his-years, nine-year-old boy wanders
around New York after losing his father from the 9/11 tragedy with a
key looking for a lock. That’s it. Not only is the book
offensive in the way the tragedy is suborned to serve as a canvas
for Foer’s pomo frolics, but Foer’s choice of the precious
lost-child adds a layer of grotesque sentimentality which would make
Dickens wince (oh, how one longs for Little Nell). The New
York Times Book Review (“NYTBR”), of course, gives it the cover this
week and a
review which spills over three, yep, three pages—perhaps a
modern world record for the NYTBR.
The reviewer gives the book an appropriate pomo review. In
other words, the reviewer praises the book without praising it for
any literary distinction, but rather for its ability to play
leapfrog and red rover, red rover, will falling bodies and debris
come over. Here’s a little sample:
Does a novel with such a high-concept visual kicker (and sensational
book-club conversation starter) even need a title at all?
Does it even need text?
Besides containing a wealth of other photographs and
attention-grabbing graphic elements, Jonathan Safran Foer's second
novel (his first was ''Everything Is Illuminated'') positively teems
with text - most, but not all, of which takes the form of prose.
There's a distinction, of course, and Foer is just the sort of
brainy, playful young writer, his critical faculties honed by the
academy and his multimedia sensibilities shaped by the Internet and
heaven knows what else, for whom this arcane distinction is second
nature and a perfect excuse for fun and games. To Foer and his peers
(who can't really be called experimental, since their signature high
jinks, distortions and addenda first came to market many decades
back and now represent a popular mode that's no more controversial
than pre-ripped bluejeans), a novel is an object composed of pages
tattooable with an infinite variety of nonsentence-like signs and
signifiers. As Foer's new book demonstrates, some pages can even be
left blank.
Is our literary culture—like everything else—so obsessed by the
latest new, new thing that no one can recognize a slavish devotion
to a hoary old throwback like Sterne’s Tristram Shandy?
The reviewer does note that this stuff can’t be called experimental
because “it first came to market many decades back.” Hello, you’re
just off by a couple of centuries. I would have thought the
blank pages would have been a give away. Oh well.
Strangely enough, there’s a review of another work on the opposite
page of the Foer review which nails the problem with Foer’s juvenile
style. Neil Gordon gives the book Paradise by A. L.
Kennedy a negative
review, for, in part, the following reason:
Yet Kennedy's novels have a baffling way of engaging her readers and
then squandering our involvement. It's not that she gives us wooden
characters or poor writing or foolish plots. Rather, her books are
so adroitly written and carefully conceived, so technically
accomplished, that it comes as a surprise to reach the end and find
them so unnecessary. Rather than actual novels, they seem more like
collections of novelistic devices.
''Paradise'' breaks new tonal and dramatic ground for Kennedy, but,
like her earlier fiction, it seems to belong to the contemporary
literature of empty accomplishment.
DING-DING-DING-DING!!!! Foer, we’ve got your number. Oh, and
so does the
Atlantic.
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Patrick: Lagniappe
They now spoke predictions. “The fortuneteller
wouldn’t tell me anything,” Brunio stooped over with a disconsolate
expression. “She only said: you’ll eat in good restaurants until
you’re eighty.” Gajevicz was nodding approval. “Predictions
sometimes come true in reverse. Take Thaddeus for instance. We
warned him but he kept saying over and over again: ‘I’m not afraid
of the Gestapo; a fortuneteller told me that I’m going to get
married on the thirtieth of May.’ He was arrested on the thirteenth
and shot on the thirtieth. The woman had mixed up the heart-line and
the life-line.”
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
Foetry
Lo, and behold, I’m not the only one whose curiosity is piqued by
the website
www.foetry.com, which has gone on a rampaging crusade against
graft and corruption in poetry contests. Go
here for a story from the March 31, 2005 edition of The
Boston Globe regarding the foetry website. Not surprisingly,
four of the judges of these contests who have been accused of
improprieties failed to respond to the reporter. The reporter,
consequently, had to come up with his own justification in their
defense:
Still aren’t some conflicts in these high-profile poetry contests
inevitable? Let’s say, generously, that there are 100 talented poets
out there. Wouldn’t it stand to reason that they would have studied
together in the few prestigious poetry programs, and that they would
hang out and schmooze in the laurel-strewn groves of Starbucks, or
wherever poets scribble these days?
First, journalists should not try their hands at light comedy, as
the unfortunate Starbucks reference indicates. Leave comedy to
the professionals, folks. Second, the reporter is wrong to assume
that “generously” there’s only 100 talented poets out there.
Each of you, dear readers, is a talented poet. Don’t get a big
head, now, that’s also true for roughly six billion other potential
poet laureates, too. As I explained, since the accepted
paradigm is now free verse, that means, procedurally at least, there
are no rules for how a poem should be constructed. Instead it
just has to “sound” good—whatever that means—and its words conjure
forth an poetically-pleasing image—whatever that means (do note the
circularity in this definition, it is intentional, unlike most of my
broken-down reasoning; oh, and the scare quotes are intentional,
too; and so is the mocking tone of voice; and my aggressive use of
“m” dashes; don’t worry, there’s no extra charge for these
services). So what separates a “good” poem from a talented
“poet” from a “bad” poem from a “hack”? Well, a bunch of other
poets who are considered “good” think the good poem is “good” and
the bad one is “bad.” Oh, wait, I just got circular again.
Let me try one more time. Well, how about this bit of criticism from
the December 2004 issue of Poetry describing the poems of Michael
Donaghy: “So many of Donaghy’s best poems pull us into
this nebulous zone and bandy us about, swinging us rapidly from
image to image along oblique and idiosyncratic lines of likeness.”
Oh, wait, that’s the same as what I just said. Okay, how about
this bit of criticism from the same issue concerning the poems of
Sharon Olds:
The self becomes the world: this is Olds’s strength, her weakness,
and doubtless a source of her understandable popularity, the acclaim
she’s rightly earned, and a certain disdain with which here poetry
is occasionally read. Though laudable, her effort to reach out to
realms beyond herself, as in the poem dedicated to the astronaut
Christa McAuliffe, slides back to the poet’s daughter, her father,
and herself.
No, this is not meant to be funny. It just is. The point
here, is that, ultimately, no one really cares about the poet’s
actual production, but about her persona. If there’s no rules,
one has to come up with something after all. Why not base it on the
carefully cultivated personality? Olds is the poet who writes
about herself in pornographic terms; Dylan Thomas in drunken terms;
Lowell in cra-azy terms. [N.B.: You know, we truly live in a golden
age of comedy. It’s like the Fourteenth Century all over again—the
last gibberings of scholastic Aristotelianism woven into ever more
fantastic shapes to try to explain a modern world on the brink of
the Renaissance. We laugh at those medieval scholastics now,
and for good reason. All that chatter of the four humours and
what not. How lucky we are to have the same kind of fantastic brain-doodlings
spewing forth from our modern universities. Our professors may
not be Aristotelians, but, for my sawbuck, the Foucaultians are
every bit as funny. But where’s their Rabelais to immortalize
them? He’s coming—you can tell from the evil-smelling miasmic
cloud drifting over the horizon accompanied by raucous laughter].
So, what’s the moral for this story? Lenin was right, after
all (I always like to cite Lenin whenever possible, particularly
with respect to ethics; personally, I try to live my life by Lenin’s
maxim, “a lie told often enough becomes the truth”). It just
boils down to:
Who, whom? Who be the poet and whom be awarding her the
prize money. So, cough it up, baby!
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Patrick: Lagniappe
It was in this changing light that they noticed
a group of white figures standing motionless. Seal thought he was
seeing things. So did the others. Were they the ghosts of people who
had been murdered there? They kept their eyes fixed on the
apparition. Seal realized with shame that he had goose flesh, but it
was beyond belief. The figures began to move along slowly. Were they
Germans?
“Don’t fire!” somebody shouted. And the tone of the voice, which
indicated that its owner was watching and had understood, broke the
tension. After a moment the voice went on calmly: “They’re patients
from St. John’s Asylum. It was hit.”
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
McSweeney’s 15: Putting the Ice in Iceland
The McSweeney’s Icelandic literature issue does contain a few
stories by Icelandic authors that are well worth checking out
because (now my biases are showing) they do seem to capture that
wild, melancholy magic that suffuses the medieval Icelandic sagas.
These stories include Fridrik and the Eejit by Sjon, which
concerns mourning as a commonplace element in the hardscrabble life
of Iceland. It is told in a kind of elegiac language that
evokes the sagas. The same is true for Seven Stories by
Gyrdir Eliasson. There is a fair bit of whimsy here, but it is
kept under control and produces jarring images such as this:
The accordion in its black box is on the table not far away from me.
I looked at the box after we had turned off the light. It was not
unlike a coffin, coal black like that, and the twilight dark as
earth.
As the dreams slowly engulfed me I though that I would like to have
an accordion played at my funeral. Very robust tunes that would
confuse death.
“It shouldn’t be like this,” he would mutter to himself. “Things
should be dismal and hopeless when I’m around.” That’s how the
playing should be, and the coffin shaped like an accordion case.
As you might guess, Fridrik and the Eejit and Seven
Stories lead off the Icelandic literature section of
McSweeney’s. Unfortunately, after that, the stories go
down hill precipitately—as I discussed earlier. Oh, as an
added lagniappe there’s a “bonus pocket-mag—culled from actual
Icelandic magazines—chronicling the glossy doings of Reykjavik’s
starriest stars.” It’s quite entertaining. As you might
guess, I’m easily swayed by aesthetic considerations and the book
itself, the physical object of McSweeney’s, is particularly
fetching, so, with significant reservations, I’d recommend picking
it up.
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Kathryn: The Moviegoer
At home sick today, I had what is now a
really rare opportunity for me and read a whole book through over
the course of an afternoon and evening. Granted, a short book:
Walker Percy's The Moviegoer. It's a really odd little
volume. It came out in 1960 and won the National Book Award. It is a
strange story of an odd thirty-year-old who is a strange combination
of metaphysical seeker and truly ordinary male mammal. But what
really struck me about it is that is has many interesting parallels
with Toole's Confederacy of Dunces, which I'd never really
noticed before, though I've read both books before.
Both books are about protagonists who consider
themselves to be outside their times and milieus; both are avid
moviegoers. Both are regarded by their families as unusually bright
while exhibiting high levels of eccentricity as well as huge blind
spots--especially in terms of human interaction. And, perhaps most
important, both books involve significant journeys on Scenicruisers.
I find Percy's style in this novel a bit
opaque. I'm from New Orleans and enjoy much of the specificity of
his descriptions of the place, but some of the specificity is
distractingly foreign--so specific that if you aren't familiar with
what he describes, it's more opaque than if he hadn't laid down the
adjectives and scenery. What's up with all the camphor berries
underfoot, for example? I lived in New Orleans twenty-three years
but wouldn't know a camphor berry if it bit me, and yet his
characters tread upon them with such regularity that a non-native
might assume camphor to be as common there as azaleas and camellias.
But he's got Ship Island right, and the neighborhoods near Lake
Pontchartrain. Plaster medallions on the ceilings of Garden District
homes and all that.
My favorite overwrought simile from the book is
about the protagonist's insomniac father returning to the
house in the morning: "I can see him, blundering through the patio
furniture, the Junior Jets and the Lone Ranger pup tents, dragging
his Saskatchewan sleeping bag like the corpse of his dead hope."
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Patrick: Lagniappe
This nervous boy was frightened. In his
consciousness there were still algebra problems, erotic daydreams,
thoughts about rivers, unknown cities, far-off countries. In the
warmth of his body at dawn everything he might one day become was
wound up tightly like a small spring. Each impact of his foot on the
ground carried him on an enormous flight above the world. Freedom,
space. There were hundreds, thousands of ancestors in him, uncharted
centuries of heredity. Ancestors who hunted wild beasts and drew
their shapes on the walls of caves, who raised wheat and drank from
earthenware jugs in the heat of harvest time. Ancestors who wrote
with a stylus on wax tablets. And the seed of generations to follow
him, of unknown people in whom the trace of his smile might be
preserved, the way he bent his head, his individual desires or his
destiny. Now there was only the wide empty street under machine-gun
fire, and his companions.
--The Seizure of Power by Czeslaw Milosz
More on McSweeney’s 15 (Icelandic
Literature): Ice, Ice Baby!
So, when last we left our intrepid ice explorer, I had vented
about the imaginative subject matter—or lack thereof—of the
Icelandic selections for volume 15 of McSweeney’s. As far as
the more formal literary qualities, who knows, given that all the
stories were written in, suh-prize, suh-prize, suh-prize, Icelandic.
So, it’s impossible to know if the translators are being faithful to
the music of the original language. In my experience, there
are very, very few translators who can be relied upon for even
passing fidelity, a point made much better than I can ever hope to
(true for everything I write, unfortunately) by William H. Gass,
Reading Rilke: Reflections on the Problems of Translation.
So, I won’t fault the Icelanders if they’re prose seems a bit, well,
stiff and cold.
Some of the prose, though, seems so pared down that it must have
sounded a bit stiff in the original. For example, Bragi
Olafsson, a founding member of the Sugarcubes (he played bass—just
some pointless trivia for the Bjork groupies out there), has a story
called My Room which is just that—a story about an unnamed
character who goes to his apartment and wants to see his room but
the lady showing the place won’t let him so he leaves. That’s
the story. Maybe in the original the language is so gorgeous
that one doesn’t mind the mundane banality of the story. Then
again, it’s hard to see how one would freshen this up:
We lived on the third floor. At a rough estimate I’ve walked up
these stairs maybe eight or nine thousand times. And been down them
just as often, I expect. Random memories stir in my mind as I climb
the stairs for the first time in twenty-four years, and when the
present owner of the apartment opens the door and invites me in,
these memories awaken and leap up like a living person. I think I
can smell the same old smell. But when I enter the hall, this gives
way before a heavy odor of cooking, an odor that instead of whetting
my appetite puts me off the thought of food altogether.
And the story continues along in this vein until the narrator leaves
the apartment. Okaaaaay, I feel more, hmmm, more, well, more aware
of just how much time there must be to kill in Iceland so that
people will actually read pages of this stuff. But that’s far
from the worst. There’s a story called Uninvited by
Einar Mar Gudmundsson that is close to unreadable—surprise, it’s
another bleeding chunk from a novel, Knights of the Spiral Stair.
This one is about a little boy, Johann, who hits his next door
neighbor, Oli, with a claw hammer and is then uninvited to Oli’s
birthday party. All’s well in the end because Johann gets Oli
a white matchbox car as a present.
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! As we move towards this
dénouement with all the momentum of cooling magma, we are constantly
bombarded by little bits of fey whimsy. You know, there’s
nothing I like better in my fiction like a huge, sloppy helping of
fey whimsy:
All this and much more I could do, because by definition I ought to
be feeling sorry for myself and in no condition to do anything.
Nobody will believe I’ve done anything, as long as everybody thinks
I’m stooping in prayer asking God to forgive me for hitting you with
a hammer. You know that God forgives everything. Even though prayers
are being said nineteen to the dozen and nobody knows whether God
understands Icelandic, he still forgives everything all the same.
And to imagine that there’s a whole book, a whole, big thick tome,
that goes on and on in this manner. One shudders for the
fallen trees—hasn’t Iceland denuded its forests by now?
Shouldn’t there be some legal protection afforded the poor firs
asked to lay down their lives for this tosh? I assure you,
gentle readers, that I am now praying nineteen to the dozen—and it
ain’t in Icelandic. Please, pray with me.
April Fool! The stories are all
wonderful! Okay, no they're not; that was the April Fool.
Have a good April Fool's Day anyway.
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